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Advice for a 13 year old

February 26, 2010

I was once asked, “What advice would you give to a 13 year old?”  This was my response:

Stop listening to whatever crap you listen to and start with the 70’s: It’s the renaissance of modern music. You had great rock, blues, and jazz and the birth of disco punk and funk. The only new music forms in the next 30 years is hip hop (the best stuff though is from 1987 to 1994 or so.) Almost all good 20th century music genres were created by black people – Reggae, Funk, Blues, Soul, Rock, and Jazz.

Generally, once 70% of the audience of a music genre is white, it’s probably on the decline. Same reason there are only old white people at jazz and blues clubs today. Once too many white folks like it, black people stop doing it, and invent something new. Chuck Berry would have to pay $1,000 to get front row seats to the Rolling Stones, while he’s playing for 300 dollars a night after they stole his riffs. Kinda pisses them off when they were getting lynched in the 60’s and couldn’t afford the cover charge at jazz/blues clubs in NY, Chicago, LA nd SF.

Most House, Country and Polka music is crap and you should generally not listen to any music over 125 bpms (unless it’s bluegrass). Not to say there isn’t plenty of brilliant white stuff worth seeking out however, here are just a few examples: Velvet Underground, the Pixies, the Clash, Led Zepplin, the Cure, Johnny Cash, Motorhead, the MinuteMen, the Violent Femmes, Pink Floyd, Talking Heads, Tom Waits, Janis Joplin and David Bowie.

Don’t get worked up over the opposite sex:
Even though you think Johnny or Suzie is the greatest thing since sliced bread, they aren’t (you just have a limited circle at that age). Whomever you have a crush on now, you’ll be embarrassed when you look back. Go ahead and do your thing, but if you get rejected, do NOT let it depress you. I promise, it’ll be the worse thing you can do to yourself.

Time accelerates: Every year goes by slightly faster than the year before. 8th grade is about the same as going from age 31 to 34. This is probably because less experiences are new or novel to you as you get older, so there are less outstanding memories of the events. Once you hit your late teens and early 20’s don’t screw around, you have less time than you think.

There probably isn’t a God:
Ok kid, maybe there is a small chance there is a god, but there is an even slimmer chance he’s like anything described in the Bible, Koran or any other book. Anyone who claims they know for sure is to be mistrusted and ignored.

What you can know, is this:

If god would banish Ghandi to hellfire because he’s not Christian, but let some asshole (like Jerry Falwell) into heaven…

If god treated some muppet (who did nothing positive in his or her entire life but merely repented for their sins and accepted Jesus as their savior) better than people who did noble things most of their lives but upset God for not kissing his ass and acknowledging him…

A god who is so vain, he will punish you for not thanking him for making the world. A god who is this petty and ridiculous that he lays out dozens of religions for you to pick from like a multiple choice test and then turns around and tortures you ETERNALLY in hellfire for choosing the wrong answer…

IF that is god, he’s an asshole.

If there is an afterlife (which may very well be possible), everyone will go there. There will be no screening process. If God is that much of a twat, you’re fucked anyways.

Don’t trust people who overuse cliches: They may be nice people, but you shouldn’t take anything they say very seriously.  They cling to memorized chants to pretend they have a soul.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 6, 2010 5:14 pm

    What possible difference does it make if someone listens to Neil Young instead of The Black Eyed Peas?

    • March 7, 2010 6:43 am

      I wasn’t thinking of Neil Young exactly. I was referring to folks like Funkadelic, Jackie Mittoo, Ken Boothe, Jimmy Cliff, James Brown, Al Green, Curtis Mayfield, Dennis Brown, Toots and the Maytals, Lee Scratch Perry, Al Green, Sly and the Family Stone, Bill Withers, Cymande, etc etc.

      Does it matter in the grand scheme of things? No, but to the kid who starts off listening to the good stuff, it gives them a better foundation to judge the derivative and for the most part, inferior music, that is around today. There is such an amazing repository of great music from that period, I’m still constantly discovering new stuff I haven’t heard before. For example, almost everything on this 5 disc collection is fantastic. http://tiny.cc/8CRWx

      If I was aware of this stuff when I was 13, my musical life would have improved massively. There is a reason the best songs in hip hop sample music from this period. The 70’s was by far the most creative time in US history in terms of the arts (especially music and film). I think there is an obvious correlation between drug use and good music; and back then, people were snorting lines at PTA meetings and dropping acid 10 times stronger than the stuff today.

      • March 7, 2010 5:11 pm

        That’s awesome. “Hey, kids, cocaine and acid will make you super creative.”

        I’m gonna steal this post idea and your god rant, it sounds a lot like mine. Only yours is better. I’m pretty sure I never use twat in my god rant, although I should.

      • March 10, 2010 10:08 pm

        Although I think it will make a society more creative as a whole; on the individual level, most of the time you just end up having a good time and aren’t any more creative at all. And for some that can’t handle moderation, they could end up as burnouts or fuckups. Taking drugs won’t create talent if you had none to begin with…

        But in the end, I think the trade off was worth it. Otherwise, we would probably just have Christian Rock, Lawrence Welk, Neo-Classical, Polka and Marching Band music.

  2. March 11, 2010 5:07 pm

    really liked the god part

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  1. Advice to 13-Year-Olds While Hoping No Actual 13-Year-Olds Read This Blog « Julie Luongo

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